Join The Guild of Ornamental Hermits

How would you like to become a Charter Member of The Guild of Ornamental Hermits, the only outrageously queer, eccentrically elegant, magical mystery school for humans, Elves, and others?

Take a look at this utterly groovy membership certificate and Guild Creed. And ponder the impending glamour of it all. Details, to come.

Membership Details to Come
The Creed of The Guild of Ornamental Hermits.

Magical Mentoring in The Guild

Here are the Elves (on the right) and their human students (at left). Artanaro Nar and Who’s There work with two Hermits each. Hamfast started working with Frank first, but when Frank leaves in the second book, Hamfast ends up working with the newest Hermit, Sophie Lokisdottir. The rest of the Elves teach magic to only one person apiece.

In The Guild of Ornamental Hermits fantasy novels, these Elves have also worked with one or more of the ancestors of each of their human students, dating from the 17th century onward. These ancestors were members of the Twelve Families who helped the Elves to found the ancient mystery school, The Guild of Ornamental Hermits. Sophie Lokisdottir is the exception. Hamfast has not worked with her ancestors.

All character images created via HeroForge.com.

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The Guild’s Most Romantic Pairings

Yes, these four dyads are the most swoony, as far as I’m concerned. However The Guild of Ornamental Hermits, consisting of human “Hermits” and Elves from The Realm, with a little help from Lucky LaFey (aka Norse god Loki) and assorted members of his extended family, contain many other passionate pairings and groupings. And not all dyads are exclusive.

L to R: Who’s There, Septimus, Babe, Oyster, Tomma, Maud, Parsifal.

The overlapping relationships: Babe and Oyster are deeply in love, but Oyster is asexual (though panromantic). So Babe sometimes spends “quality time” with Who’s There and Septimus. Tomma is also important to both Babe and Oyster, and they’ve even proposed to zir, as a unit! Tomma loves them back, but also has a new love, Parsifal. Parsifal is married to Maud and they have a child, Breadcrumb. So Tomma’s relationship with Parsifal also includes a relationship with Maud. (Elves are usually pansexual.)

But wait, there’s more!

Few divorces have been as amicable as that of Maximus Gordon and Sybil Perry. For many years they were together as the progressive folk duo, Gordon & Perry. They moved to Hermitville about twenty years ago and Maximus, a man of many skills and abilities, designed and built quite a lot of the eco-pods and other buildings. Sybil helped run a music program in the public elementary schools in Puna, and the two of them settled into life in Hawai’i Island. However, after a time, they decided to end life as a married couple and continue as friends. When Maxine arrived in Hermitville sometime later, Maximus was smitten and the two of them fell in love. However, neither of them would commit to monogamy, and when Maximus confessed his past explorations in kink with his ex-wife Sybil, Maxine became intrigued. Maxine and Sybil also became good friends and eventually lovers. Thus a fond kinky triad rooted and grew in Hermitville. There’s no doubt that they all have each other’s backs as well as each other’s kinks.

Sidley Croom and Joe Hillstrom have a complicated, on again-off again, relationship. They were together for many years in San Francisco, but when they broke up Joe moved to Hermitville at Ginger’s request. When Sidley moved there too, they got together again, sometimes as friends with “benefits” and sometimes trying for something that felt more permanent. But it’s been hard for both Joe and Sidley to strike a balance between their outside interests and their own intimacy. In the books, Sidley has flirted with the creepy Stanford Lawsome (Anna Phylaxia’s personal assistant) while also entertaining some fantasies about Anna. Sidley was also intrigued by both Septimus and Maud when the two Elves–posing as European circus and cabaret performers–set out to deliberately distract Sidley away from the Hermitville property, for an afternoon of dining, drinking, and hiking (never a good mix in Puna!).

As for Septimus and Maud, well, they have history too…

For more on relationships in The Guild of Ornamental Hermits, read an earlier blog post, You Need a Scorecard to Keep Track.

You Need a Scorecard to Keep Track…

Here is a list of some of the relationship configurations involving the characters in The Guild of Ornamental Hermits fantasy series. Check out our characters showing their pride on the LGBTQIA Gallery page. Kink and nonmonogamy are represented as well. (I’m not even including most of the Elves in this list.) There are a couple of spoilers here:
 
1) There are twelve human characters who are residents of Hermitville. Each one has an Elf mentor (most of these mentor relationships are nonsexual).
 
2) Spoiler: Babe Bump (pansexual, intersex woman) and Oyster Olson (asexual, pan-romantic trans man) become fond of each other. Tomma Bedlam (pansexual, trans, non-binary person) makes three.
 
3) Tomma is also involved with a butch lesbian (former) lover and there may be a surprise Elf/Human triad in zir future.
 
4) Divorced couple Massive Max and Sybil are kinky and still sometimes get together when their lover Maxine can make it a trio.
 
5) Joe Hillstrom and Sidley Croom are an on-again, off-again gay couple with a long, complicated past.
 
6) Hermitville’s founder, Ginger Croom, may have had a Fey lover in her youth.
 
7) Spoiler: Aarrf, a gender non-binary human puppy, finds an Elven master.
 
8) Glysandra, a tantrika, is Ginger Croom’s tantra partner, even though they claim to be “not lovers.”
 
9) Are Nar and Nen lovers, or just good colleagues?
 
10) Sidley Croom also hooks up with at least one “bad guy” and has had hopes for several other liaisons.
 
11) A few characters have human/fey parentage (backstories in the second book!).
 
12) Parsifal and Maud (Elves) are a dyad but also part of a larger group marriage.
 
13) A giant salamander that really loves buildings.
 
14) The Elves are all pansexual. Also, there are twenty-nine possible Elven genders.
 
And yet, with all this, I haven’t written one single explicit sex scene, nor do I intend to do so! It’s kind of more fun this way.

Elf and Human Magical Intersectionality

This is an excerpt from Chapter Twenty, Stalking the Wild. Elves and the human “hermits” try to parse magical intersectionality and magical identities…

So Indigo did her best to explain. We did our best to understand. Scrying wasn’t so hard. It’s just fortune telling with a crystal ball or a mirror or a plate of water. Trying to see things. The rest of it was more complicated. Finally Indigo shrugged and said, “We’ll walk you through it when the time comes. Don’t worry about it.”

tom-obedlam-illustration-3

Jennifer sighed, “I thought magic adventures were supposed to happen to you when you’re a kid, not when you’re a post-menopausal rock ’n’ roller!”

“Yeah,” Massive agreed. “Hermitville ain’t no Hogwarts!”

“Yep, Hashtag Muggles No More.” Tomma giggled, while the Wubbies began to squeal for food crumbs.

The funny thing was, the Fey Folk were totally digging this exchange. They were apparently all avid fans of human movies. Archie said Elven academia was obsessed with critiquing movies and literature which depicted human encounters with magical beings and powers. There were even sub-disciplines which dealt with questions of magical intersectionality—various types of oppression and privilege involving magical and non-magical beings—as depicted in human media.

Aarrf was saying things like, “So, now that I’ve learned I’m only half-human, how do I present my authentic self in a culture based on werewolves and furry jokes? A culture that doesn’t even acknowledge that people like me exist? And I don’t exactly feel comfortable with the Otherkin community either, because I tend to see them as emotionally othered, not genetically othered. What do I do with my lived experience as an actual part-phouka? And does my phouka blood enable me to know the true phouka experience, as I wasn’t raised as a phouka?”

And Tomma was saying things like, “Maybe that’s just internalized self-hatred, Aarrf, that you can’t see that many Otherkin folk might also be genetically othered? I mean, look how our culture treats animals! How would you expect it to treat people who are part supernatural animal? Denial, that’s what!”

Breadcrumb was expounding on examples of sexism in Harry Potter movies, “People make fun of Hermoine for actually working hard to get better at magic. What’s up with that?”

And Roz was saying, “Yeah, and what about all that ‘sexy witches on Halloween’ stuff? As if we can only be valuable, magically, if we’re also sexy according to the false standards of beauty foisted on us by a sexist capitalist economy! As if our only real magic is between our well-shaved legs!”

“And our well-shaved armpits,” yelled Maxine.

“Or in our well-shaved…uh, nevermind,” Tomma pretended to look embarrasssed.

The professor was giving Parsifal an earful about human perceptions of class conflicts between so-called high Elves and “lower” magical beings like brownies and gnomes. “For example, in War for the Oaks, the queens of both faery courts are consistantly overdressed, which is supposed to indicate their high status among the fey folk, however the humans equate this with snobbery and despise it.” (Parsifal just fondled his puffy buttons and didn’t say much.)

“Like Miz P?” Tomma asked.

Meanwhile Septimus was muttering, “Well, we do like to dress up you know! The magic garment industry is one of the most important in the Realm.”

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And Breadcrumb Makes Three…Elf Character Spotlight.

Breadcrumb (sometimes known as “The Wee One” or “T.W.O.” for short) is an Elf smitten with human clowning and clown fashion. Physically I see her very much as an Angela Mae type. Angela Mae is an immensely talented bellydancer and clown who has performed with the band, Gooferman. Angela Mae is definitely a major muse for this character!

In this book, some Elves are quite taken with human subcultures, as immortality can get a little stale without interdimensional novelty. They go in for human fads, artifacts, and “spill-over phrases” (cliches and memes). Breadcrumb is certainly one of these Elves, with a ruby-rouged nose, striped tights, and a light tunic of spider silk.

Her father, Parsifal, is another. Puddles, the Sad Clown with the Golden Voice, is the primary muse for the character of Parsifal. You can get a sense of Parsifal in action in the excerpt, Elven Glamour Run Amok.

Breadcrumb’s mother, however, is the formidable, no-nonsense Maud o’ Bedlam, an experienced interdimensional operative.

Breadcrumb may be a classic Manic-Pixie (Elf) Girl, capable of shimmies, pouts, and nonsequiturs, but when the forces of evil descend on Hermitville Farm and Arts Collective, Maud and Parsifal have good reason to be proud of their daughter as she transforms into “Head Elf in Charge.”

Tolkien’s Valar and Maiar – Deities of the Elves

For the second draft of The Dire Deeds of the Guild of Ornamental Hermits, I decided to switch out almost all of the references to various deities actually worshipped by human beings (past and present) and replace them with references to J.R.R. Tolkien’s cosmic pantheon as described in his Silmarillion. Aside from Elves, I have also now replaced other references to existing magical beings and “faery cities” with words based on Tolkien’s languages.

The idea of “Elves” has been used so often, for so many kinds of beings–from Santa’s Elves to Tolkien’s, from Norse Elves to Emma Bull’s–and everything in between, that I feel okay about including them and creating my own concepts of them.

I did this (1) to avoid giving offense to people currently engaged with a variety of Celtic, Heathen, and other pagan traditions; (2) as a homage to Tolkien; and (3) to have more freedom to create a fictitious magical foundation for the Guild of Ornamental Hermits.

Tolkien describes his collection of deities, known as Valar and Maiar, and their functions in great detail. I use a few of these figures. I’ve also used some of their names to create four elemental “cities” (Arda or Ardae) that correspond to elements: Ulmaria (water); Manwaria (air); Auleria (fire); and Yavannia (earth). (Tolkien had used “Arda” as a word for the place humans live, but I snagged it to refer to certain locations in the Elves’ Realm.)

The magical training given by the Elves of the Hermits of Hermitville also has a lot to do with these faery cities and elements. The three major characters of Babe Bump, Oyster Olson, and Tomma Bedlam are all linked with Murias, due to their astrological signs. These three characters each have unique magical gifts. Babe is a medium; Tomma has an affinity with magical creatures; and Oyster is definitely wizard material. As such he is the keeper of the mysterious Book of Moons, created by the original Guild of Ornamental Hermits.

Creating the “mythos” that matches the story is definitely one of the challenging parts of writing fantasy fiction!

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